Life

My life these days seems to be... well... boring. Other than school, cheerleading, work, and church I have no life. I hardly go out on the weekends anymore. This is mostly a result of me recently becoming single. I'm not saying I want to be back in my old relationship... I just miss having that someone to go out with all the time. I do miss being in a relationship and if another guy came along and was suitable for me (which isn't easy to do) then I would defintaly say yes if the question arose for me to be in a relationship with him. I don't see that question coming up anytime soon though. Like I said, my life is boring. I do nothing fun or exciting. Yes, cheerleading is fun.. sometimes but mostly it's just like another job. Although I would have to say it is a much harder job than the current job I actually have. I am watched like a hawk and if I do one tiny thing wrong I get punished for it. I have gotten punished for things that I shouldn't have, yet I am the type of girl who doesn't complain, just accepts it and goes on. I realize I am really random with this post but these are my thoughts and.. well.. my thoughts are VERY random. haha random! (art thing). Mostly what gets me through the day is the thought that in less than a year I will be off to college and my life will be totally different. I will be a changed girl, living somewhere else (not in my parents house under thier constant "hawk-like" view), with new friends and not ones that remind me of my past and those mistakes I have made. And boy have I made some. I'm not talking about in my relationship. Me and Bryan had a good relationship and had many great times together that I will never forget. I did other things ... wrong things that I will never forget because I can see it in my friends eyes every day. I have disapointed many, including myself. I am better than what I have been and I am working on becoming the true person I am, not the person I was trying to pretend to be. Thats another subject that has been on my mind A LOT lately. I have been living my life trying to be someone else. I am always doing this like her, acting like that because thats how she acts, dressing like this because she dresses like this. The SHE in my thoughts isn't just one person it is a few and I am working on not being like that. I want to be myself, not a clone of someone else. I am praying about it and have told others... one other who is praying for me as well. My life is complicated at the moment and I am just working on getting through my senior year. I know once I am out of here I will be better. I can start over. Try again. I am so honored that I actually get a chance to start over. It is something I need.